Truth is.... I haven't blogged because I was in a slump and I don't think I fully realized it till now. I got pregnant with little man, I was happy that we were expecting, but not happy about the timing. I love my kids, I really do. I wasn't excited about it because I had just gotten my body to myself. (I might come across as ungrateful, not my intention.) It had been almost two years since my body was mine. Pregnant, well there is 9/10 months (depending on the way you look at it), nursing my child who refused to take a bottle or a pacifier, so there was another year tacked on. I'm finally just me and my baby is independent and on her own, WHAM! Two months later I'm prego again.
Now that I'm over it, little man is here, I can reflect on that time. It was hard. My poor husband is a good man, I was one emotionally unstable pregnant lady with a fierce attitude. (We are still married, and he still tells me he loves me. Luckily.) One minute I'm happy about life, next minute I'm hungry. I get distracted and a Hangry Monster appears. Feed me, and then I'm happy again and don't think twice about what I just said. Truth. This is the ugly truth.
I am so grateful that pregnancy ends and the big man upstairs sent me an easy babe. He is wonderful. (birth story to come).
Reflection:
Like I said in the beginning that I was in a slump, I would almost call it a minor depression. I had lost my way.It's not like I was constantly unhappy, for that isn't true. I just didn't realize how weighed down I felt. I like to think i'm not the only person that has felt this way, and I'm sure I'm not. For me, I had lost something very important, and that was my personal identity.
I love being a wife. Most importantly, I love being a wife, because of who I'm married to. Is he flawed? Absolutely. Am I? Incredibly. Together, we work. Being a wife, makes me happy. Also, I love being a mom. Is it hard? Yes! Is it rewarding? Like words cannot describe. My children mean the world to me, and there isn't much I wouldn't do for them. With all this happiness, and that being said, there need to be balance.
Is it wrong to try to be the best spouse you can be and create meals, lunches, keep up on all the house work, and try to coordinate and run a schedule for your husband? No. Is it wrong to fix your kids healthy meals, have them well dressed, hair done, and splurge and give them things they don't need? No. Where I went wrong is that was all I was doing. I wasn't doing anything to further myself educationally, spiritually, emotionally, and physically.
It isn't good to do things that make you happy and feel so weighed down by them. Since having little man, I've had time to think about who am I? Who is Liz? What does she like to do? What makes her feel confident? What, that is in the budget, can help me feel more put together?
All these answers are different for every person. Do I have good days and feel like I can take on the world? Heck yes! Do i have days were all I want to do is hit the reset button and go back to bed? YES!!!!!
So what changes? Its completely possible to have a good day where bad things happen, and have a horrible day where nothing truly sucked but nothing was super awesome either. What changed? Me. It had to. I'm still trying to find out who I am, and trying to make more time for myself, but I can say that the slump is gone. This is and will be a reminder to myself of how subtle the slump was, and that being weighed down isn't normal.
I love being a wife. Most importantly, I love being a wife, because of who I'm married to. Is he flawed? Absolutely. Am I? Incredibly. Together, we work. Being a wife, makes me happy. Also, I love being a mom. Is it hard? Yes! Is it rewarding? Like words cannot describe. My children mean the world to me, and there isn't much I wouldn't do for them. With all this happiness, and that being said, there need to be balance.
Is it wrong to try to be the best spouse you can be and create meals, lunches, keep up on all the house work, and try to coordinate and run a schedule for your husband? No. Is it wrong to fix your kids healthy meals, have them well dressed, hair done, and splurge and give them things they don't need? No. Where I went wrong is that was all I was doing. I wasn't doing anything to further myself educationally, spiritually, emotionally, and physically.
It isn't good to do things that make you happy and feel so weighed down by them. Since having little man, I've had time to think about who am I? Who is Liz? What does she like to do? What makes her feel confident? What, that is in the budget, can help me feel more put together?
All these answers are different for every person. Do I have good days and feel like I can take on the world? Heck yes! Do i have days were all I want to do is hit the reset button and go back to bed? YES!!!!!
So what changes? Its completely possible to have a good day where bad things happen, and have a horrible day where nothing truly sucked but nothing was super awesome either. What changed? Me. It had to. I'm still trying to find out who I am, and trying to make more time for myself, but I can say that the slump is gone. This is and will be a reminder to myself of how subtle the slump was, and that being weighed down isn't normal.
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